STARDELICIOUS

Clay Aiken opens up in the latest issue of People about being gay. On the decision to come out…

“It was the first decision I made as a father,” Aiken, 29, tells the upcoming issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday. “I cannot raise a child to lie or to hide things. I wasn’t raised that way, and I’m not going to raise a child to do that.”

More like the career is in the shitter like every other American Idol except Carrie Underwood…

He adds that he hopes his fans “know that I’ve never intended to lie to anybody at all. … But if they leave, I don’t want them to leave hating me.”

I hated you well before this. On coming out to Mom, Faye…

The born-again Christian singer also reveals how he told his mother Faye he’s gay four years ago. After dropping off his younger brother Brett, who was being deployed to Iraq, at Camp Lejeune, “I started crying in the car,” Aiken remembers. “It was dark. I was sitting there, thinking to myself. I don’t know why I started thinking about it … I just started bawling. She made me pull over the car and it just came out.”
So what was his mom’s reaction? “She started crying. She was obviously somewhat stunned.

She must have ridden the short bus like the kids Clay used to teach before he became an international sex symbol. He’s really not even her biological son. He’s really the bastard lovechild of Elton John & Billy Jean King…

Scary isn’t it?? Gingervitis must be cross-linked genetically with GAY.

Simon Cowell, genius that he is, chimed in,

Wow, that’s a shock. It’s like being told Santa Claus isn’t real — unbelievable. … Good for him. I don’t think anyone cares. Let’s face it. It’s 2008. You know, who cares?

God, I love him.

Clay Aiken has officially come out. I know, try to contain yourself. Next you’ll tell me that Gayle is Oprah’s wife and Tom Cruise likes to play fireman and slide down poles. I’m going to have to buy this damn magazine this week.

Get me a vibedefibrolator because I am about to go into cardiac arrest!! All those lonely Saturday nights that I spent getting my manties moist over his suave cooing and imagining his fiery top box were a waste! Everywhere Claymates are crying into their Duncan Hines icing and putting on their Tweety Bird t-shirts to shop the pain away. Walmart can be the one store to expect stellar sales this month.

Pure sex. We’ll live on in my memories…

Earlier this week I wrote about the Gay Dad phenomenon. Well, it appears that now it applies to C-list celebrigays…

TMZ is reporting that Clay Aiken is going to be a Daddy! With a woman. Yes, I know. Clay reported impregnated record producer Jaymes Foster, yes it’s a woman! A girl! Before all you Claymates get your panties all wet and bothered and start screaming, “I told you he’s straight!” let me add this: it was done via artificial insemination. Ahem.

I just picture it being a ginger little girl that he can dress up in bows and shit and enter in beauty pageants in the South. Can’t you just picture Clay squealing to her, “Glitter! Dazzle! C’mon baby and shine for Daddy! Twirl! Work the runway! Jazz hands! Jazz hands!!”

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