STARDELICIOUS

The war between Madonna and Guy Ritchie rages on. The latest installment in Madonna’s PR-capade capitalizing on her “personal drama” includes insight into their verbal and physical fights:

Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage was plagued by physical and emotional abuse in recent years, friends of the couple reveal in the latest issue of Us Weekly on newsstands now.

“She would taunt Guy, saying, ‘I should have married someone like me: strong, hot-blooded, intelligent, ambitious, spiritual,’” reveals a Ritchie source. “Their fights would often get heated. A few times Madonna slapped him or poked him.”

His reaction? “Guy called her old, fat, ugly and wrinkled and said that she was stupid and couldn’t sing,” another Madonna pal tells Us.

Somehow I knew she would be the one to come out swinging (literally). Supposedly, she made poor Guy cry. Then she probably licked the tears-they say it helps keep her young along with sleeping in that plastic bubble.

I love how she thinks that she’s “spiritual”. We all know that the only thing Madge worships is herself. Down-to-earth Guy is pretty on the money in his comments-except she’s not fat. In fact, he has compared being intimate with Madonna to “cuddling up with a piece of gristle.” I love him.

What’s next in this drama? Knowing Madonna, probably a “leaked” sex tape the two probably filmed in happier times. Maybe another dark baby? OOooo, she’s also trying to have A-Rod’s baby!! I don’t think there’s a vice clamp strong enough to open that vagina and a needle strong enough to penetrate those dried up eggs. The kid will look like this:

“She gets her 5 o’clock shadow from her Mother”

US Weekly

Caribou Barbie

This sucked donkey balls! SNL couldn’t come up with something better than this??? Time to retire this sketch for good. If you care to watch it, there are cameos from “tough guy” Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin. Yea, not much the consolation prizes there either.

Fast forward to about midway to catch Palin herself and save yourself the other few minutes.

The second clip s so much better…picture Sarah Palin head bobbing, rapping, and shooting a moose on the Weekend Update! Amy Poehler can rap, yo!

“When I say Obama you say “Airs!”, i built me a bridge but it ain’t goin nowhere”

Better yet, read past stuff I posted about her here, here, here, here, here, here, & here. God I’m going to miss her!!!!

If you stare into the Beast’s eyes, it steals your soul and you turn to STONE.

More Madonna, Madonna, Madonna. Except this time it’s not the Immaterial girl, or her hubbie that’s throwing daggers, but Guy Ritchie’s father, John!!

John Ritchie said it was “horrid” to read about how Madge, 50, appeared to call Guy an “emotional retard” in front of thousands of fans at a Boston gig. She also reportedly asked him: “Did you ever actually love me?” as she felt he showed too little sympathy after she fell off a horse. Speaking from his home in Chelsea, West London, 78-year-old Mr Ritchie senior condemned his daughter-in-law’s remarks.

He said: “She’s being beastly. She is saying, ‘Did you ever love me?’ It goes back to a time when she fell off her horse and she’s blaming him for that. She’s calling him an emotional retard. When he’s being bashed by her it’s horrid.”

Her “emotionally retarded” swipe at Guy came on stage in Boston, Mass, when she dedicated a song. And she couldn’t resist ANOTHER dig during a second sell-out show in the US city. After singing the words: “Did I say something wrong?” she added: “I hope so.”

Oh Madge. You’re coming off as a bitter, jilted older woman. See how Guy is shutting up and remaining dignified? Do that! Stop being such a Kebissinah! You obvi got dumped!

Poor Guy. Between Kaballah, the exercise, the facelifts, and the plastic bagging (she slept in one to fight off aging, very Michael Jackson hyperbaric chamber-esque), how could he cope?? He’s probably porking a prossie anyway.

Meanwhile, is it me or is Guy looking fucking delicious lately???

You know you would.

The Sun

Learn young whores. Madonna, always the trendsetter, will show you how it’s done. Life’s miseries? Oh, pishaw1 They’re just fuel for your publicity mill!!

Madonna has wasted no time in capitalizing on her perfectly-timed divorce announcement. She announced at her “Sticky Fingers” tour last night:

This song is for the emotionally retarded. Maybe you know some people who fall into that category. I know I do.

The song, “I’m sorry” was supposedly originally written for Guy. Aw, a love-turned-hate song. How original!! Watch if you want to see her being a bitch herself, but turn the volume down.

Meanwhile, Guy has remained mum so far, and is allegedly ignoring the barrage of phone calls from Madonna’s army of lawyers. $tay $trong, man. $tay $trong. If worse comes to worse, you could always write a tell-all like Chris Ciccone did. And we know that you know the real dirt!!

Another day here with Madge. I have a full day of waking up to reassure her that she’s still beautiful and sexy and controversial. After daily reminders that she’s still hotter than Britney, I accompany her to daily 3 hour workouts after which I have to lick off her sweat and tell her it tastes like the love nectar of the Gods. Then we go to Kaballah where Madge chants for some chart success and the Rabbi tells her she’s the annointed chosen one. She’s our Jesus, the real savior.

At dinner, we eat a bunch of oats and slop for her macrobiotic diet. Afterwards, she takes a few pics with the accessories kids and retires for the evening to study with Alex Rodriguez, her Kaballah pupil. They must really experience religious ecstasy, because I hear a lot of moans and “Oh Gods”. Cor blimey, such a devoted teacher is she.

“The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, honey!! Take a squeeze and find out for yourself.”

Stick it…

Lick it…

…Miley gets creamed.

Miley Cyrus is releasing her autobiography. Yes, you read that right. Her autobiography. She might only be fifteen, but you ain’t lived like Miley’s lived!

The book deals with Miley’s upbringing as daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus and reveal[s] how her solid relationship with her family, especially her mother Leticia, helps her navigate the spotlight.
Miley, who is currently filming Hannah Montana: The Movie said: “I’m not sure when it’s going to come out.
It’s finished but you’ve got a long process of editing and all that kind of stuff, so it takes a while (ed note: long time to be ghost written I’m guessing).

Here’s a special leaked excerpt!!:

When Pappy told me to become a singer, why I just did what he says. He says I don’t need to go to skool for book learnin. Look at Britney! She did the same thng and she terned out alright. Right?? Ahem.

Anyways, it’s not easy being a ho a popstar. Pappy always wants me to “sex it up”, posing with white milk mustaches and licking ice cream. It was his idear for the white sheet fotoshoot. But I trust him, cuz he had was a big ol success in the music bizness fore I wuz born!

He gots mad at my naughty pictures that were leaked, but understood because they were sexy ended up helping my career. Even when we tried to be naughty to escape our pimp Disney, Pappy has been there for me all the way. he loves me like that.

The Sun